If your father lives with you and his mental health is deteriorating, should you get a power of attorney to manage his affairs? This is a delicate question. Older people are understandably reluctant to give up their independence, but your father may accept that it is necessary for him to relinquish control. It is often a wise move to suggest that the power of attorney be held by someone who is not a member of the family.
How can a married daughter with teenage children cope when her mother, who has a serious heart condition, is coming to live with them? This can be a difficult situation, but there are a number of things you can do that may help. First of all, you should explain to your family that your time for them while your mother is in the house will have to be organized differently. If they understand this in advance, they may adjust more readily. Ask them to take on some extra work, so that your mother's presence becomes a shared responsibility. Try to call a family conference, one that includes the older persons - especially your brothers and sisters - to discuss questions of financial support and practical help. You are quite within your rights - in fact, be direct and even assertive - in asking brothers and sisters for help. They may contribute by spending time with your mother or by helping with finances.
Generations are often out of step, so you may find you have to care for an incapacitated parent while bringing up your own children. Alternatively, just when you have children off your hands and look forward to resuming your own career, you may have to cope with an invalid relative. Not surprisingly, this can result in emotional strain, exhaustion and feelings of resentment. Angry flare-ups are not unusual, nor are the pangs of remorse and guilt that follow. If you can, arrange for breaks in your routine. If you cannot find someone to take over from you, check with your local nursing home or hostel whether they accept patients for brief stays. Care can be extremely valuable, and may even make it easier for you to continue to do your job.
